Hey Friends, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve written on this blog…. too long really. I love to write and sometimes it can be so cathartic to get some thoughts down on paper/screen? With the recent arrival of our son, my hands (and heart!) have been full which may be the understatement of the century….

But one thing I keep thinking about is people’s perception of motherhood based on what we see everyday through social media.

I hate to break it to you…. but….

It’s all a load of bologna.

Well maybe not all of it… but enough to make you second guess yourself and make unfair comparisons and judgments!

I have to admit that, I too, am guilty of posting only pictures that paint myself and my family in the most positive and perfect light imaginable. It can be so easy to fall into that trap and go searching for “likes.” But I’m here to tell you, there is A LOT that you don’t see and that we, as parents, don’t tell even those closest to us.

Every pictures holds a secret, take for instance this one:

This picture looks nice enough, I’m without makeup and my double chin is somewhat prominent but I’m lovingly adoring our handsome little boy. Yes, that part is VERY true.

But, what you don’t see:

1. Our kid sometimes sleeps. Sometimes. Chances are very good that it took my husband and I two hours to get him to just go to bed through every means necessary: ie singing, rocking, swaddling, vacuuming, driving, walking, bouncing, blow drier, swinging, cuddling, and a vast array of other techniques.
2. Once he does go to sleep at night, chances are even better that he wakes up either every hour or two. YAY!
3. Oh look, the sun is out! And…. NOW… he sleeps. Story of my life. And chances are pretty good that if he just fell asleep like this in the morning sunlight, our 2-1/2 year old daughter is probably up and ready to go. So kiss going back to sleep goodbye 😦
4. Honestly, there are days when I feel like I’ve neglected our toddler. Sometimes she wakes up and plays in her room for longer than I’d like because the new baby needs our attention, this makes me feel awful but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. At the end of the day I have faith that our daughter knows we love her more than life itself and that we are there for her even when we can’t always be right there for her… Having two kids is HARD!
5. Chances are very good that I won’t have time to shower without a baby crying through the whole thing, and shaving my legs – HA! Yeah right. In this photo we were in full on newborn survival mode. That means uninterrupted showers are a luxury, sleep is a blessing and shaving your legs is something you do in emergency situations only – like when making an unexpected trip to the pool or going for a MUCH needed pedicure (in that case I’m going to shave up to my knees only, because I’m too busy to care! HA) You’ve got to make the most out of your shower time and unfortunately washing hair takes priority!

6. Breastfeeding is NOT easy. It hurts, a lot, at first. And sometimes babies don’t want to do it like our firstborn, latching properly is something that has to be taught and learned, not all babies are born ready to go… And if you’re struggling, you’re not alone. I can tell you from experience that I shed a lot of tears trying to get our daughter to eat properly. It is not your fault and it was not my fault…amazing what a couple years will do for your clarity! Luckily (and by no action of my own) our son is a much better eater, must be a boy thing! HAHA

7. Oh! And once you do get the hang of it, you leak. Like A LOT. You probably can’t see it in the photo above but chances are very good that I probably have a wet spot the size of Texas on my shirt.

Oh yeah, like this:

Anyways, just wanted to take a second to remind the new moms out there, you are not alone even though sometimes it can definitely feel like it.

Everything is not perfect and that’s okay!!!!

The biggest thing I learned from our first born is that this too shall pass, every hardship does indeed come to an end.

I’m absolutely no expert but I assure you, eventually your kid WILL sleep!

Eventually you’ll be able to get ready again without interruptions and heck, maybe even shave your legs?!?

Eventually you’ll look back at your sleep deprived, milk covered, breastfeeding days and actually….miss them…

Or at least forget about them enough to do it all over again like us!

In the meantime, take the pictures you see floating around at face value, realize that there is more going on than what you’re seeing at the surface. Everyone goes through learning curves and some things are truly, 100% out of your hands.

But most importantly pat yourself on the back for being awesome!

Happy parenting, and remember, you’re doing great!!!!!!

Hang in their mama 🙂

Call us crazy but my husband and I decided to take the big leap – the official jump from 1 kiddo to 2.

My recent absence from the ole blog is largely due to this fact. It’s amazing how finding out you’re pregnant can push you into a cocoon of your own world. It’s as though I’ve had this amazing secret looming over my head, being the only thing I want to talk about and write about but I can’t.

When you’re pregnant you’ve got this HUGE secret and you’re not supposed to tell anyone right? We’ve all heard the cautionary tales, the women who miscarry and suddenly find themselves retracting their statements to friends and family.

Miscarriages happen, often at no fault of the mother or any other extenuating circumstances under our control….and just the sheer lack of control can be debilitating. The level of anguish and pain one would go through having to explain this over and over is enough to have made me keep my mouth shut until it’s “safe”.

But just the idea of a “safe” time to make that announcement can be so scary, I’ve heard of many pregnancies being lost in the first trimester and I’ve heard of a some lost in the second trimester. Even worse, if you download an app like this Baby Center one, where there is a forum you truly hear nothing but the worst of the worst. While they can be extremely educational, especially to a first time mother, they can also cause massive amounts of undue stress.

I urge anyone who takes part in these forums to take them with a grain of salt.

The fact is that while miscarriages are common, the majority of pregnancies are successful and are carried to full term. This is something I had to constantly remind myself of when I read the devastating stories of lost pregnancies.

Then comes the first big sigh of relief… the second you hear that heartbeat.

Unless you don’t. 

We went in for our designated “Doppler” appointment at 10 weeks, my doctor recommended we come back in at 10 weeks as it’s easier to hear a heartbeat then. I was having an awful, awful day at work and was looking forward to this shining moment.

And then, he couldn’t find a heartbeat. My heart immediately sank.

Of course this would happen on this terrible day.

Anterior placenta. This is a term I’ve become fairly familiar with. They had us go over for an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. The first thing I saw typed on the scan were those two little words. My placenta was on the front. Again. Although it could still move, this was probably a contributing factor to not hearing a heartbeat and the main reason I could not feel our daughter move well into my first pregnancy.

But much more importantly, during this scan we also saw a heartbeat.

The level of relief that flashed over me was indescribable.

As a female, you take the test, you get a yes or no and all of the sudden your whole life changes. You’re constantly grasping at straws trying to prove that this is real. Do I feel nauseous? Am I gaining weight? Do I look/feel any different?!? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It can be absolutely maddening.

Then you throw all of the do’s and don’ts on top of that; no lunch meat, no caffeine, no alcohol, no soft cheese, no sushi, not too much seafood, etc. etc. Then you read the forums, then you read the stats.

It. Is. Awful.

I guess my point is that every single step of pregnancy is a big “what if” game. But it’s time for us all, myself included, to cut ourselves some slack. There are no definitive right or wrong answers, and while there are some things you can control, others you cannot.

If you’re ready to tell people you’re pregnant, go for it. If you need to talk openly about a loss, please don’t hesitate. If you need to tell someone that you’re scared, or excited, or overwhelmed – there are people who are there for you if you let them be. 

So rather than questioning everything and driving ourselves nuts it’s time to enjoy the journey and support one another through the beautiful, exhausting, sometimes devastating and incredibly trying experience of growing humans. 

It’s no secret that oak has gotten a bad reputation, largely due to an excessive use of the product from doors to trim to cabinets, everything OAK. OAK. OAK. And to make matters worse it was Golden Oak…..everywhere.

On almost a daily basis I have clients who walk through the door and say, “I’m getting ready to do a remodel, you know, because – well it’s Oak. And I don’t blame them one little bit, Golden Oak isn’t always the most desirable finish, especially when you look around and oak basically slaps you in the face!

But in all honestly, it’s a pretty great wood.

It’s got a very consistent grain pattern and coloration which allows it to take stain very evenly. This is a great trait to have for people who are looking for something to be consistent and who may be frustrated when there is slight color variation from one piece to the next. Maple, another very common wood species, is known to be finicky in taking stain and can have wider than acceptable range of color from one board (or even throughout the same board) due to mineral streaking in the wood itself and the type of stain you’re trying to use.

Then you throw in your Hickory which has an EXTREME amount of color variation, kind of a love it or hate level of color variation. Cherry has a beautiful marbling effect in the grain pattern but can also have heavy variation from one piece to the next, not to mention the fact that it will darken over time, which can come with a whole other host of issues – imagine an area rug on a natural cherry floor, imagine said area rug leaving that rectangle on your floor…..

Oak is also a hardwood that holds up well in terms of dents and dings. You won’t have the same issues like you would with Alder, while not a common wood for flooring due to the softness; it is extremely common in cabinets. And while admittedly your cabinets should not be taking that kind of a beating, it is a much softer wood that can get dinged up pretty easily.

The fact is; your Oak should hold up pretty well.

It is also very dimensionally stable which means, particularly in our dry Colorado climate, you don’t have as much movement as other wood species, which means that gapping and cupping should be less of an issue over time = win!

This is probably a good time to note that wood is wood. It is a natural product. No one piece is going to be exactly like the next and that is something that you will definitely need to come to grips with if you decide you’d like to use wood in your home. It will expand and contract depending on the time of the year and the level of humidity. It is not perfect, and that should be something you like about it if you decide to use it. It will dent, it will scratch. Again, you’ll need to embrace this fact.

Okay so back to Oak. Lately we’ve been using a lot more oak, but the key here is the stain being used. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who just walks in saying “I love Golden Oak; I have to have Golden Oak!”

Some of the stains coming out on oak range from more of a cranberry red to contemporary gray and black tones, also into more of the rustic looking white-washed finishes that have become especially popular as of late. We’ve seen oak done in very contemporary applications, in particular on cabinets when used on a very clean door/slab or shaker door style it can look really sharp. The subtle grain pattern can be a nice contrast to give a relatively stark room some nice textural appeal.

In the world of cabinets, we’ve also seen more manufacturers offering paint on Oak. Typically Maple is the most commonly painted thanks to the fact that there is little to no grain pattern and it takes the paint very evenly. However; if you’re looking for a painted finish but still want a bit more character and texture a painted oak might be a great solution!

Painted finishes also come with their own issues such as face checking (very small cracks in the surface of the paint), this is due to the movement of the wood itself when it goes through that expansion and contraction we spoke about earlier. This is perfectly normal and not a defect in the finish, on a painted finish, Oak’s graining may actually help hide small “flaws” when it comes to the face checking.

So while reading through this, thinking about and looking at some of the different types of wood available, and trying to figure out what wood might be the best for you and your particular application – I urge you to keep an open mind.

As difficult as it may be to get that “oak is yucky, ew, ew, ew” thought out of your mind, you might be surprised!